I pledge

I pledge to wear the mask to prevent others from catching the infection if Ive caught it.

While Im at it, might as well get rid of all my hypocrisy in one go and pledge to reduce pollution by not driving my vehicle ever. Or even go by public transport coz that pollutes as well. And we know that air pollution kills 4.6 million other people every year. Hey, I’ll also save 1.35 million other deaths due to road accidents every year.

Hey, while I’m at it. Will stop ordering on Amazon, Swiggy and anything that is brought to my home in a vehicle that pollutes. Why, I pledge to not buy anything made in a factory – clothes, mobile phones, furniture. The factory pollutes. The freight from the factory to the retailer to my house pollutes. No consumerism, no pollution.

I might as well pledge away all my hypocrisy. Go vegetarian. The global meat industry is responsible for 40% of the global greenhouse emissions. And climate change kills 150,000 other people every year. While at it, I’m switching off the electricity in my house. Electricity production accounts for a third of greenhouse gas emissions. We can use candles. Switching off the refrigerator and the aircon would also reduce greenhouse gases, but since there’s no electricity anyway, that’s a moot point.

I pledge to grow rice, pulses and vegetables in my backyard and live off it. No point polluting the air getting all this stuff from farms, is there? And of course, once my current clothes tear, I’m going to cover my unmentionables with the leaves of the banana plant in my backyard. I don’t want to kill, you see.

And because I don’t want others to die, I’m going to stop paying taxes coz the taxes fund the army and the army is busy protecting the country. They could die protecting us, but I don’t want that! Let the foreigners invade. Let no one lose their life’s protecting us from floods and riots.

I pledge to stop spreading fear on social media on Covid 19. It doesn’t kill directly like the killers above, but it kills businesses, kills the livelihoods of self employed people such as Uber drivers, waiters in restaurants and so on. Which will ultimately kill people. So imagine how many lives I’ll save by not forwarding doomsday messages on social Media. Or even by not reading them!

Now that I’ve saved so many lives, let me save my own. I pledge not to eat fatty food even though it grows in my backyard. I don’t want a heart attack and no ambulance around to take me to a hospital. No vehicles to drive me remember. No sweets, no diabetes.

I pledge not to smoke or drink. I don’t want to be part of the 7 million statistic who die every year due to smoking, or 1 million who die due to second hand smoke. Or the 3 million people who die every year due to alcohol.

I feel good that Ive completely gotten rid of my hypocrisy!

But hey, if I don’t meet anyone or don’t get out of my house, I don’t need the mask anyway!